Q ball
by Nitch
Summary: Q's son returns to Voyager for an old friend. Silly slash
1. One of Eight

**Q-Ball**

Captain Janeway dropped the PADD on a chair and approached the replicator, tilting back, rubbing out a cramp in her lower back. "Coffee. Black," she grunted.

She held her night robe together and the small panel whirred to life. A piping hot cup of Katy's ol' black coffee materialized. She sipped, satisfied by the manly bitter aftertaste.

The door whistled.

She gave it a stern sidelong glance and made sure her robe was together. "Come in."

The doors parted and Lieutenant Commander Tuvok boldly entered, stern and cold. "Captain."

"At 0200 hours, this better be good."

"I would not have come to your quarters if it were not 'good.'" He scoped out the room, holding his tricorder.

"Get to the point."

"I needed to review your quarters. It appears we might have an…" The Vulcan hesitated, and his right eyebrow made a slight rise. "Unwelcome visitor."

Janeway looked around. "I don't see anyone here." She looked back at Tuvok, unmoved.

With a stellar flash, a raggedy teenage boy appeared in a captain's uniform on the bed. "Aunt Kathy!"

Janeway nearly dropped her coffee. She rushed to her table and set the cup, pulled her robe together again and snapped back. "Junior?"

"Yeah. No thanks to the boring Vulcan over there taking the wind out of my entrance!"

Tuvok's eyebrow twitched. "It appears my suspicions were founded Captain."

"What are you doing here?" Janeway shouted at the boy. "You're supposed to be with your father!"

"Him? Hah, I got bored of him millennia ago. Ruins on Deneb IV. The crystal pillars of Talvan V." He waved his hand around the list of places. "Lame."

"Then why are you here?" Janeway put a hand on her hip.

"Because it's Voyager! We're all friends here! Everyone in the Continuum knows this is the most exciting place in the Delta Quadrant."

"Send the Continuum my regards when you go back there." Her eyes narrowed and she blinked several times. "Now."

"Aw c'mon Aunt Kathy. Can't I have my old quarters back? Just for a while?"

Janeway shot Tuvok a look. Now both of the Vulcan's eyebrows were rising up and down uncontrollably.

Q waved his hand. "I knew you would! I've already set my quarters just how I like them. Thanks guys!" He waved his hand again and Janeway's robe and Tuvok's uniform disappeared.

The captain screamed and covered herself.

Tuvok stood, unfazed, not moving to cover himself.

"Whoops sorry guys! Wrong hand!" He waved the other one and the boy disappeared.

They were still naked.

"Q!" Janeway shouted at the ceiling, stealing one or two glances at Tuvok's sculpted Vulcan figure and his…

An omnipotent puberty-scratched voice resonated from above. "Oh right!"

With a flash, their clothes returned.

"Captain," Tuvok started.

Janeway pointed at the door. "Commander. Get out! And inform your security teams!"

Icheb, the young male Borg whose ears stick out, stood in his regeneration alcove. He awoke.

"Warning. Regeneration cycle incomplete," the computer droned.

Icheb looked around his alcove. Seven was in hers, undisturbed.

"Computer. Why was my regeneration cycle terminated?"

"Unknown."

A flash appeared in front of Icheb. The young Q stood and smiled pleased with himself. "Itchy!"

Icheb's angry eyes studied the jewey slender teen. "Q-ball. Why are you here?"

"What? No hey how's life been? No how's the rest of the universe and inter-dimensional planes and stuff like that?"

Icheb looked at Seven's peaceful standing body in her mauve cat suit. "You've terminated my regeneration cycle. And your constant vocalizations will terminate hers."

"Psst. Want to see something funny?" Q snapped his fingers.

Seven's boobs grew in size with two little flashes.

Icheb was slightly fazed, but looked away. "Return her mammary glands back to their original size."

Q rolled his eyes. "Man, you are no fun! C'mon let's go do something. What do you want to do?"

"I want to regenerate."

"You can regenerate any time! When else do we get to hang out?"

Icheb looked at Q like he looked at everything else most the time, with unimpressed disgust. "Considering your temporal nature, we can 'hang out' any other time."

Q growled and flashed and was gone.


	2. Two of Eight

**II**

The rest of the night was uneventful. But at 0800 Janeway approached the young Q's quarters. "Computer. Open these doors. Authorization Janeway Pi Alpha."

The computer responded, "How rude."

Janeway's jaw dropped, but in a flash she was in the room.

The young Q stretched on his bed. "You've come to ravish me?" His eyebrows bounced.

Janeway pursed her lips together and shook her head. "Just as bad as his father."

"Now why did you have to go mention him."

"Because you're his son," she seethed with a smile. "And you're supposed to be spending time with him."

"Geez. Thanks for the welcoming parade!"

Janeway held her hands up at her waist. "Alright. You know what. Fine. I can't stop you from staying. But like everyone else, you're gonna have to pull your weight around."

"How bout you pull yours." He waved his hand and Janeway bloomed to seven hundred pounds. She fell against the wall and rolled across the floor, blubber gurgling in her uniform.

"Q!" She roared. Drool dribbled from her lips.

"Chakotay to Janeway," said a tinny voice from her badge buried under flabby folds.

The captain tried to tap her comm badge, but her fatty arms couldn't get her hand close enough. She gasped. "Q!"

"Commander Chakotay to Captain Janeway. Please respond."

Q laughed and she returned to normal, lying on the floor. She shot daggers at the young boy and tapped her comm badge. "Go ahead."

"You better get to the bridge. We got something on sensors."

Janeway picked herself up, brushed a strand of hair out of her face and tugged at the bottom of her uniform in classic Picard fashion. "You had made so much progress the last time you were here," she said coldly. "Maybe your father was right about you."

She left, and Q sat on his bed and sulked. "Pfft. Whatever."

Janeway entered the bridge. "What do we got today boys? Random bickering alien species telling us we're in their territory? Ship in distress? Spatial phenomenon that could be a potential way home but will land up being either a trap or not working out because our interpersonal relationships will get in the way of a technical solution?"

Icheb and Seven stood at their respective stations in the astrometrics lab.

Seven had a comm link with the bridge. "The anomaly is two thousand light years in diameter and comprises of severe gravimetric tetryonic neutronic radiation distortions." The giant projection whirred in an out of the grid-lined phenomenon in a dizzying pointless manner.

Janeway took her seat. "Spatial phenomenon." She leaned and gave Chakotay lovey dubby eyes.

Seven held her hands behind her back and pushed her boobs out. She noticed they felt heavier. "I suggest we circumvent it." Her head tilted and her mouth came open, slightly. Icheb scowled for no reason.

Ensign Harry Kim looked around his console at ops. "Just like a roadblock. Ma'am, by my estimates, it would take almost a year at maximum warp to get around this."

Seven said, "However. The phenomenon is extremely elliptical. On a straight trajectory at the narrowest point, we could pass through it in three days."

At the helm, Tom Paris turned around in his seat. "Yeah if we want to come out fried to a crisp. I wouldn't want that. Almost as much as I wouldn't want to deal with my wife B'Elanna after she's had a full duty shift."

Janeway leaned to her Native American number one. "I've got a feeling our newest guest has something to do with this."

Tom shifted in his chair. "Did I mention I have a wife now?"

Chakotay smirked. "How do we ask him?"

"I've got a better question. How do I get you bed?"

"Well. First we usually have this pointless banter in our seats, pretending no one else at their stations can hear us."

Tom rolled his eyes and poked around his station.

"Then usually you invite me to dinner, burn your pot roast and we eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and sexually restrain ourselves." Chakotay's eyes went dark and misty like what he says has spiritual importance under that tattoo.

Janeway popped out of her seat and she tilted back toward him while walking away. "My quarters. 1900 hours." She wagged a finger at him.

Tuvok rocked slightly in place at his station. "Captain. What do you plan to do?"

"I plan to get our new guest to take care of this. If he wants to be a productive member of this crew, here's a chance for him to prove himself." The turbolift doors closed behind her.


	3. Third of Eight

**III**

The young Q smirked. "So you want me to just wave my hand and get rid of your phenomenon."

Janeway stood her ground and narrowed her eyes. "You seem pretty good at making things disappear."

"What do I get in return?"

"What do you get?" Janeway asked doubtfully. "You're a Q. You can have anything you want."

He laughed. "There are some things that just aren't the same if I make them for myself."

"Alright, humor my simplistic bipedal brain. What could you possibly want, that I could possibly give you?"

The young Q thought for a moment, studying the ceiling, then he looked over at his bed.

"I want to do it with a Borg."

Janeway's eyelids fluttered. "I beg your pardon?"

"Sex. I want to have sex with a Borg," he said like there was nothing wrong.

Janeway took a moment to comprehend. "You want me? To take my ship to a Borg cube?" she started slowly and angrily. "So you can have sex with a Borg drone?"

"You think in such zero dimensional terms! You've got two Borg on this ship!"

Janeway walked away. "Out of the question. We're going around the phenomenon." The doors didn't open when she reached them.

"C'mon captain. Can't you talk to them?" he begged. There was really only one he was interested in.

"Seven would never subject herself to you. And Icheb?" Janeway's voice turned incomprehensive. "He's… He's Icheb!"

"Am I supposed to be embarrassed by my request?"

"I can't even think of the word needed to describe what you should be feeling right now. Let's just say I want you off my ship." She stepped toward the doors again and they still wouldn't open. She tapped her comm badge. "Chakotay, get a lock on my signal. Beam me to the bridge."

"Captain?"

"Do it!"

Q grinned smugly as the captain dematerialized. "Have fun getting around your phenomenon."


	4. Four of Eight

**IV**

The Captain sat with her troops in the briefing room.

The Doctor's forehead lines crumpled. "I can't even begin to imagine what the effects of sleeping with a Q would be. It could result in many unforeseen trauma."

B'Elanna leaned in her seat. "Captain. You're not seriously considering this idea are you?"

Janeway gave her a side glance. "I'm just keeping my options open. Doctor. We have seen Qs mate before. It looked like all they did was touch fingers."

The Doctor considered and his bald head shined. "Very true. But that was a Q mating with another Q was it not? The… 'techniques' could be quite different with a non-Q."

Chakotay leaned forward uneasily and rested his elbows on the table. "Many members of the crew have expressed frustration with the phenomenon. Going around it will waste a significant amount of time. We should be assessing any way we can shorten our journey back to the Alpha Quadrant."

Everyone looked over at Seven.

The beautiful buxom Borg tilted her head. Her mouth came open slightly. "Curious," she said. "The Q have always expressed significant interest in the Borg. Likewise, the Borg have expressed interest in the Q."

Tom exhaled. "If the Borg ever assimilated a Q, the entire galaxy would be screwed."

Seven felt a hint of a smile. "The Q are designated Species 0. They are considered an ultimate, but presently, impossible target for assimilation."

Janeway tapped her finger on the table. "We're drifting from the point. Seven, I want to know how you feel about this request."

"I have no interest in mating with this Q. I am neutral to his request."

The Doctor held his protective glare on Seven. "Good. Now what about Icheb?"

Almost everyone gasped, growled, sighed.

"Doctor," B'Elanna said. "Now I know we're not even considering that."

Chakotay, with his forearms on the table, shot everyone a look. "Why not? It is the 24th century. Last time Q was here, it seemed like Icheb was the only one he got along with."

B'Elanna looked around. "But Icheb is only what? 19? And he's… male! It's just wrong!"

Tom muttered under his breath, "So for much for not being like other Klingons."

B'Elanna heard. "Excuse me?"

Tom sat up straight. "Well. It's true. Klingons are usually bigoted toward alternative sexual pairings."

B'Elanna gasped and looked at the Captain. "I can't believe I'm hearing this!" She crossed her arms over her large stomach and glared at Tom. "Alternative sexual pairings? I married you didn't I? I'm having your baby!"

Janeway held out her hand. "Stop. I can see this issue isn't going to be solved like this. Everyone, if you could give Seven and I some privacy."

Everyone else shuffled out of the briefing room, leaving the Captain and the Borg alone.

"Captain," Seven started. "I am neutral. If you wish me to… 'mate' with this Q. I will comply."

Janeway shook her off. "That won't be necessary Seven." She walked to the window and watched the sparkling stellar phenomenon. Seven got up to follow and the captain looked back and eyed the Borg's voluptuous figure. "I'd never let someone else have you."

"Captain?"

Janeway shook her head from the thought. "I mean… could you talk to Icheb. We have to consider the option."

Seven held her head high. "I will speak with him." She departed and Janeway watched her hips swivel confidently in the cat suit until the doors closed behind her. She looked at the floor and smiled and shook her head.


	5. Five of Eight

**V**

Icheb entered cargo bay 2 and stopped at the sight of the young Q who had his arms crossed as though he were waiting for him.

"What is it you want?" Icheb said coldly, walking to his alcove. "Why have you returned to Voyager?"

The young Q shrugged. "I figured you'd know drone boy. I thought we were friends."

Icheb stopped in front of his alcove and looked at him unremarkably.

Q sighed and rolled his eyes. "I came back here for you, obviously."

"I don't understand."

"I like you Itchy! You're the only one who spent time with me and wasn't getting something in return, unlike Aunt Kathy."

"I appreciate your sentiment. I too view you as a friend, despite my previous brush with destruction on your behalf."

"Sorry about that."

"I am fine now. But now, I wish to regenerate," Icheb stepped onto his alcove.

"No wait."

Icheb looked down at Q. "Wait for what?"

Everything flashed and Icheb and the young Q were sitting on a hill overlooking a complex of green lush valleys. It was mid-day, the sky was deep blue, white puffy clouds. Waterfalls fell from cliffs in the mountains. Icheb took it all in. The paradise was vaguely familiar to him.

"Why have you brought me here?" Icheb said, feeling the grass between his fingers.

Q grabbed the Borg by the arm. "I wanted us to be alone." A flock of birds flew overhead.

Icheb looked at the hand grabbing him. "We were alone in cargo bay 2."

"No. Not there. I mean. Here."

"Clarify." Icheb said.

"I know you've never done anything sexual, but neither have I."

Icheb looked at him disgusted. "Clarify," he said stronger.

Q leaned over and grabbed the Borg's other arm. He pushed him down onto the grass and leaned over him moving close to his face. "Is this… romantic?" Q asked.

Icheb's face was neutral as he lay on his back. He looked straight up into Q's eyes. "This is not romantic."

Q sighed and squeezed the Borg's arms, now completely unsure of what he was doing. And somewhat hurt and disappointed.

"But," Icheb continued. "I do not have a basis of comparison for what is romantic."

Q overlooked Icheb's lean body in its usual brown pattern shirt and pants. "Well normally at this point," Q studied Icheb's cortical implant that arced inside his sharp bridge, over his eye, "I think we'd kiss."

Icheb said nothing, but very faintly, he nodded.

Q leaned in and their lips met, at first, awkwardly. Icheb didn't react at all. Q's lips pressed over the Borg's and he tried to pry in, tilting, moving to straddle him, but Icheb was frozen.

Q pulled back. "You have to do it back too."

"I am sorry," Icheb said. "This is unfamiliar to me."

Q grew impatient and blinked and with a flash, their clothes disappeared.

Icheb twitched and looked down at his brilliantly pale body in the sunlight, and thought to be embarrassed, but remained neutral and nonplussed. "I see you haven't reviewed any databases on foreplay?"

Q grabbed the Borg's face and kissed him again and rested against his body. Icheb felt the comforting warmness of Q straddling him. He carefully brought his hands up to touch Q's arms and he kissed back and moved his hands down his sides to his smooth waist.

Q eased up and they breathed between each other and he traced over Icheb's body with his fingers. Several Borg implants lined the sides of his abdomen and on his legs, but everything else was pure.

"This is an enjoyable feeling." Icheb said sternly. "What happens now?"


	6. Six of Eight

**VI**

Back on Voyager, the captain studied the console on her desk, pouring over readings on the large phenomenon blocking their path back home.

"Do you have any idea where my son is?" came a smarmy voice from behind her.

The captain looked up and her eyes went tired. "Q."

The older Q traced around the desk and sat in front of her. "I can't believe you let him run off with… with that Borg boy!"

Janeway turned off her console and leaned back. "I was very briefly considering the option. You should know. But right now I'm-"

"Wrong!" Q sung. "Right now, at this very present moment, my son is on Yigridia III with that Borg drone and they're doing things that that!" He stammered.

"That what?"

"Let's just say, things you denied me those years ago!" He said almost jealously.

"Impossible. Computer, where is Icheb?"

"Icheb is not on board Voyager."

She slapped her comm badge. "Janeway to Seven of Nine."

"Seven here Captain."

"Seven. Did you talk to Icheb about… what we discussed?" She smiled at Q, who rolled his eyes.

Seven stood in the astrometrics lab alone, studying the phenomenon. "No captain. I have not had the chance to speak with him."

"I see…" Janeway said, eyeing Q like she understood something. Q looked back confused.

Seven asked, "Is something wrong Captain?"

"No no. I think everything is just fine."

Q was flabbergasted. "Katy I demand you explain to me what's going on!"

"Oh for a Q, I'd figure you'd have everything figured out."

"What I've figured out is your Borg Casanova has corrupted my son!"

Janeway bore sharp eyes at him. "Corrupted your son? Last time your son was here, he stole the Delta Flyer. He nearly got Icheb killed."

"Oh come now Katy, we all know your little Borg was in no danger as it was me impersonating the Chokuzan all along."

"Regardless, it was your son who put him in danger at first. And knowing Icheb, I'd hardly say he's corrupting your son."

"Then explain this!"

"Oh alright, I'd be happy to. It appears your son." She held the words up in the air. "Has a crush on Icheb." She leaned back and looked airily at the ceiling. "Why didn't I see it before."

"Nonsense! He's a Q! He's above falling for you simplistic puny humanoids!"

"Above that? Well, like father like son. Didn't you once offer to mate with me?"

Q crossed his arms and turned his nose up. "That was different. The Continuum was at stake."

"Oh that's right. The Continuum. I think you might be a little jealous."

"Jealous!" Q yelled. "Katy you are incorrigible."

The captain smirked. "You're upset about the fact that your son would rather come back to Voyager and spend time with Icheb than go explore the universe with you."

"I've never heard a more absurd string of thought in my entire life, and that's quite a life as you well know!"

Janeway got up and walked behind Q and put her hands on his shoulders. He stiffened, surprised by her touch. She leaned in and squeezed his shoulders. "I think you should let your son... do some exploring of his own."

He looked back at her, "But I thought you wanted me to spend all my time with him," he said annoyed.

"Yes. But sometimes, part of being a father is learning to let go of your son."

Q thought, looking sternly at the captain's desk, then Eureka. He shot up. "Of course!"

Janeway stepped back.

"Katy!" He grabbed her by the arms. "You are still, still a genius!"

"I am?"

"Yes! Don't you see! My son can explore on his own, learn to be an independent Q all the while getting to mate with your little Borg pet and not have to worry about any sort of offspring or any nonsense like that."

The captain shrugged. "Yes, I imagine so. Just remind him that by spending time with Icheb, he…," she made a short laugh and clasped her hands, "made a deal with us." She narrowed her eyes.

"Deal? Oh right right, your little roadblock." He looked out the window at the large stellar phenomenon. "Yes yes, I'll have him take care of all of that. As soon as he's done, which shouldn't be for much longer in your miniscule temporal plane."

"Good."

"Truly brilliant!" Q said still beaming. He pecked her on the cheek and then grabbed his chin contemplating. "Now why didn't I ever think of something like that myself. Jean-Luc would have made a very interesting mate."

Janeway blinked.

"Anyways!" Q saluted. "Toodles!" He disappeared in a flash.

The captain watched the seat still turning from when Q had excitedly jumped out of it. She put her hands on her hips and shook her head… again.


	7. Seven of Eight

**VII**

The Borg and the Q held each other as dusk fell on the mountains and hills. Icheb traced the purples and oranges in the sky. They slept on an ocean of pillows and deep lush fabrics that covered the hill.

"Hey Itchy?" Q asked.

"Yes Q-Ball."

"Do you want this to last forever?"

Q shifted, feeling weightless in the soft fabrics. "I do. But we must return to Voyager."

"Why?" The young Q turned and rested his chin on Icheb's chest. "Why go back? We can go anywhere, remember?"

"I have responsibilities there."

Q rolled his eyes and sighed, turning his head and curling up to under Icheb's chin. The Borg brought his hand to Q's back, tracing down his spine. "But… I also must regenerate soon."

Q looked up at him, and Icheb felt strange and looked down and saw his Borg implants were gone. The sight startled him, then a sinking terror fell over him. Q pulled more sheets and blankets over them as an evening breeze ran up the hill. "For tonight, you won't have to regenerate."

Icheb relaxed and felt around his eye, feeling only smooth skin. He studied Q's face and ran his hands up his cheeks into his brown curly hair. He pulled him in and they kissed and held each other and dozed off until millions of stars were visible above.


	8. Eighth of Eight

**VIII**

Captain Janeway sat in her chair and held the armrests, pleased at the sight before her. Millions of stars, a clear path back home.

Harry tapped at his console, "The phenomenon. It's gone."

Chakotay leaned to Janeway, "I guess Junior and Icheb hit it off."

"Good," Janeway said sharply. "Now let's get a move on. Mr. Paris, bring us about, set a course for the Alpha Quadrant, maximum warp."

Tom's hands flew over the controls. "Yes ma'am."

Seven of Nine entered cargo bay 2, and saw Icheb standing in front of his alcove, hesitating to step in. His implants were back.

Seven took a breath, crossed her hands behind her back and approached. "I understand you asked Q to restore your cybernetic implants."

Icheb looked back at her. "Yes. That is correct."

"Why? You were granted your original physiology, out of love. Yet you chose to stay Borg."

"It wasn't real. I am Borg."

"You are Brunali."

"No. I am Borg." He stepped into the alcove, and Seven's eyebrow jumped upward.

"Very well." She stepped into the alcove next to his. "Before we begin our regeneration cycle, please describe your experience."

Icheb stared out at the storage containers in the cargo bay. "We lived an entire life together. He showed me the universe. The past. The future."

"It sounds like you had a remarkable experience."

"It was."

"But you did not reciprocate his feelings?"

"No. I did. But he is Q. And I am Borg."

"You ended your relationship."

"I belong on Voyager."

Seven blinked and contemplated. "It is time to regenerate. Computer, begin regeneration cycle."

The computer acknowledged with a beep and the alcoves whirred to life and their eyes closed.


End file.
